Testimony – May 2008

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Making a wrong start
Par Florence Vogler

florence_vogler My name is Florence. I will be 19 next summer and since December 6 2007, I am in rehab. I am in rehab for 2 reasons: Heroine and cocaine. I took daily shots of both drugs for over 2 years, besides; I was also depending on medication such as Dormicum and Valium. To make it even better, the injection was the only way for me to take the drugs. Whatever I was taking had to go through my syringe. It was impossible for me to sniff or swallow anything. The shot had become my only way of thinking.

Like all humans on this planet, I had my share of happiness and problems during my childhood and my teenage years. My mother has made some mistakes, but she is not responsible for everything that has happened. I have also made mistakes and made choices that certainly were not always the right ones.

When I was 9, I have started drinking and smoking to imitate grown up persons. As a result, when teenagers of my age started smoking and drinking, I started smoking cannabis. It is towards the end of my fourteenth year that I have discovered night clubs thanks to a false ID card. This is also when I have discovered a new way of partying: coke, ecstasy, speed, MDMA, LSD. My main problem was that I never liked the world as it is, I always needed to be disconnected from the world: “in my bubble”. As a result, artificial paradises became my universe. I was telling myself: “It’s not a problem to take drugs, it’s just to party”. The truth was the contrary; I was partying to take drugs. I loved mixing most possible drugs, the further I was from reality and the more I had the impression to be happy.

One day, I fall in love and I thought I was living in a nice fairy tail, but my prince charming was hooked on heroin. When I found out about it, (this had of course nothing to do with the princess fairy tail I thought I was living) I have decided to understand why “the love of my life” could not get out of this hell. For him, I run into hell. I have started to have daily shot of heroin to become hooked as well and understand what the love of my life was going through. Unfortunately, prince charming does not exist and the day he saw the shot marks on my arms, the fairy tail ended with an unpleasant sentence “listen you are still a kid, stop before burning your wings completely”. But it was already too late; I was hooked and unable to give up.

I left school just before my 18th birthday; it was insane to pretend to be a high school student. It took a very long time for my mother to realize my problem, our relationship was already bad before she knew, so I let you imagine how it became after.
As a result, I left home and went to live in the street. I thought I would spare some suffering to the people I loved, but I was wrong. Keep going or die. I wanted to die, but death refused to take me.

About 5 months ago, I met a new prince charming, he was also a drug addict, but he had a far more positive influence on me. He gave me a new taste of life, the desire to make peace with myself. We have met while we were both desperate and we have given each other the desire to change. We have helped each other and were very happy together, we have even got engaged. We have also done stupid things and it’s when we both ended up in prison that we have decided to change our lives. This is how we have started a rehab in a specialized center surrounded with very nice people.

Once again, the fairy tail came to an end. Since about 2 weeks, my ex-fiancé is back to the universe of drugs, of syringe and depravation. The differenre this time is that I have decided to live for myself and not for him. I will not go back to drugs to please him. I will not be completely cured in a few days, nor in a few weeks, but I am drug less since three months and I want to keep following this path. I wish I could help him, and I probably would have gone back to drugs with him if it had happened not so long ago. I thought love meant to follow the other whatever consequences. I know now that this is not true and in the future, I will not destroy myself for anyone.

I went very far away from the direction that I would like to follow. I am aware that it will be difficult to go back toward that direction. I don’t care. I have decided to leave the world of drugs and I want to stick to what I have decided. I am lucky to have very good friends. They will always be here to support me and this is what helps me most.
Anyone should realize that life is beautiful; we only need to look at it in the right angle, the one that gives the nicest light. At any rate, I believe that when there is a problem, there is a solution!

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